But on the other hand ...

Re. the What Do We Feel About Our Bodies? entry below (Nov. 17). Of course, it's not fair of me to be critical of those who choose reconstructive surgery. I realize this is a very individual decision, and in my case my feelings are colored by my no less than irrational fear of surgery. I still don't understand why I was so afraid of the operation. It wasn't fear of losing my breast, I know that, since I don't really mind having it gone (even though I am sometimes surprised to look down and see it gone). So I certainly wanted to keep my surgery to a minimum, meaning no reconstruction. And hearing about the painful recoveries of women who have chosen reconstruction, I know that for me, I have made the right decision.

My "Blanky"
Treatments continue to go smoothly. The skin of the treated area is perhaps feeling a little sensitive, but not much. I bought a very cheap little fleece blanket, to wear over my shoulders as I wait for treatment. I guess I'm a little phobic about being cold when I'm waiting (and during the treatment, but I guess my arm-warmers are all I can do about that). And it seems like a good place to bring a security blanket (or security anything). I still keep fanaticizing about ways to brighten up that machine - could I sneak some stickers on it?

A member of my support group (she also has IBC -- inflammatory breast cancer) - is in the hospital, I've been dropping by to visit her when I'm in for my treatments. We had been "neck and neck" in our care, since we were diagnosed at the same time. But ever since our surgeries, she's had some setbacks. That emphasizes to me how random cancer is. It's like that when you're first being diagnosed, but also within the illness -- one day you think you're on the right track and the next day you are off on an unexpected tangent on your pathway to recovery.